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Why Coach? Being Compassionate, Optimistic, Attentive, Confident and Humanistic are Some of the Qualities a Coach Should Possess

by: Mike Bellamy
Wide Receivers Coach • University of Illinois
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When I was invited to submit an article to AFM, I figured I would simply put some drills together, share some concepts, propose a few diagrams and maybe even talk about the transition of players from high school football to college competition. After all, that’s what we, as coaches, would need for personal or professional development, right?        I shared my ideas with colleagues in the office and even surveyed some young coaches who were helping with our summer camps. I also spoke with a coach and grad assistant from a local Division II program, who suggested some strategies they would like to learn from me. I gathered many different perspectives and topics, most of which mirrored my initial vision. I then thought to myself, this shouldn’t be that hard. A simple topic of discussion quickly had us in a debate about the various roles and responsibilities of today’s coach. 
    “With a different approach, you could use your voice to make a difference,” one coach suggested. “Although we could always use another article about running routes, beating coverages or reading defenses, challenge us to grow,” another coach added. In other words, I became encouraged to make a contribution that would help make a difference. I agreed, but was hesitant.
    We operate in a testosterone driven industry, which promotes a degree of masculinity, marked by toughness and limited sensitivity. At the heart of what we do, however, are relationships. These are the same relationships we attempt to build through our initial introduction of today’s student athlete during the recruiting process. We promise the parents that we would be there not only for the next four years, but also for the next 40 years. The success of our players hinges on this high level of trust and care marked by Compassion, Optimism, Attentiveness, Confidence and being Human.
    I began reflecting on all of the young men whom I’ve had the honor of coaching or being part of their lives. It occurred to me that sharing their stories would not only teach valuable lessons to guide our work, but remind us of one of our many purposes we play a in the life of young men in our sport. I thought of Justin Hardee, a young man from the inner city of Cleveland, who defied the odds with the right support system in place.
    As an eighth-grader, Justin knew what he wanted in his life – to be great, to be successful and to get the good education that his parents had always insisted upon. He knew what his goals were and wanted to put himself in the best position to be successful. Education was first and foremost growing up in Justin’s home. His mother Estella, worked at the local telephone company for 28 years and Justin’s father, Arthur, was the Chief of Police at Case Western Reserve University.
    His mom didn’t care too much about sports. She was always focused on his grades and was quick to say something if he wasn’t doing well in a class. Justin’s path, like anyone anywhere, could have led him to a different outcome. He was spending time with guys who didn’t have the same goals as he did and could have gotten into some trouble if it weren’t for his family and the friends who kept him going in the right direction. The group of guys he hangs with now inspires him to do better, to be better.
    Well, Justin graduated with his Bachelor’s Degree in less than three years and will soon receive his Master’s Degree in Sports Management. We are more than coaches for him. We had to become his family and sense of stability after he lost his mom midway through his sophomore year. Understanding how we all handle situations differently, I immediately referenced to losing my father after my second year playing professionally and how I thought my life was going to fall apart. 
    Sharing that personal moment added a human factor to our relationship going forward. Justin’s case required that I team up with Coach Ted Ginn (Hardee’s high school coach) to make sure Justin fulfilled his and his family’s dream to be a success with or without football. My colleague then recalled that his nephew, who had been struggling in class, wouldn’t listen to his teacher, wouldn’t listen to his parents, but listens to his coach. 
    He said when his nephew speaks, all he says is, ‘coach said this, coach said that.’ It’s like he only listens to his coach. At that moment, I realized that many kids are set up for success and have been groomed for their future since birth. But, there are those who would fail, not by lack of desire, commitment or courage, but by the lack of people in their lives that actually care about them – enter their coach.
    Now we must look at the influence that we really have in their lives when it’s our turn and they are passed on to our programs. Most of us understand this power because we are recruiting the kids from this same culture. The success of our offense directly correlates with the expectations that we put on the athlete and his ability to be mature sometimes before he is ready. That being said, this nurturing process of the relationship is difficult in our field, as our time is being dominated by necessary study of the game. Many of us misinterpret our power or have not yet been able to master the skills for these new requirements to our job descriptions. Today the game has grown to the highest level, which requires us to constantly reevaluate our talents and reinvent ourselves to stay ahead of the game.
    What does it mean to us when we call someone coach? What does coach mean to you when you hear it? We all have been around many kinds – the yellers, the motivators, those with high reputations, the imitators, the coach’s sons, the apprentices and the list goes on. Which one are you? The coach who needs all the glory, all the recognition and all the notoriety? Maybe you are the coach who understands the mentoring, molding and need for preparing young men for the competitive world that will eat him alive if not developed correctly?
    Let me introduce you to my life coach. I was blessed to have a position coach in college who showed me that he cared before I even became a member of the team. I remember having a high school track meet at the University of Illinois with the entire receiver core there to watch me run in the meet courtesy of Coach Tim Harkness. He introduced my future teammates and said to me “this will be your new family in three months”.
    I didn’t know what he meant then, but I appreciate what it means now. Coach Harkness, at that time, was on staff less than two months and never mentioned his time with Alabama, Georgia Tech, South Carolina, Baylor, Illinois nor the Tampa Bay Buccaneers as well as being the head coach at Johnson C. Smith University. 
    In the last 25 years he has been to my wedding, the christening of my three children, one of the first to call when I lost my father, was at one of my best friends funeral and has always been an ear for me to vent and talk to when I needed a life coach. Not only did he teach me to be a good player and coach, but he showed me how to become a great man. My dad was always in my life. He was at all my games, events, graduations and even attended the NFL draft my senior year. He was married to my mother throughout my high school, college and professional football career.
    But Harkness was that extra support in my academic and professional life that I needed to be successful. And he embraced it. He never wanted any recognition nor did he ask for it, but he understood the role that he was blessed to be in. All I know is that the round, bald guy, from South Carolina, with black knee high socks, is helping me today mold men of tomorrow with what he taught me yesterday. Sometimes we don’t realize how important we are in the structure of today’s game called life that can also be taught with the Xs and Os.
    Do you ask yourself why do you coach and what do you want from coaching? Of course almost everyone says, “To make an impact in the industry and help kids.” This statement is on the same level as when a recruit tells us, “Academics are the most important thing when it comes to choosing a school.” These are the politically correct statements that we have become accustomed to saying and hearing. To many of us, the statement is truly how we feel, as well as to many of the recruits. But, at some point, we have to be okay with the commitments we make to our industry.
    There is no doubt that we all must stay sharp with our skills of teaching the game of football to our young men. We must also understand that our career advancement in this field is often tied to our ability to recruit and develop players. Now we are expected to teach our players how to understand defensive fronts, read coverages, and recognize blitzes, all while knowing that a player may have just broken up with his girlfriend yesterday.
    In this high-pressure field, we continually try to find the ideal way to motivate players to run through a wall for us. We have all been guilty of giving the statistics and success rates pertaining to the ratio of how much of this game is mental vs. physical. But, we don’t nurture that aspect of the game which is our own study. We must ask ourselves if this be the coaching moment in which we will embarrass, degrade or humiliate a player today in front of teammates and peers in order to get our point across? Or, will this be the coaching moment after a player’s emotions are heightened, in which we tell him how important he is to the bigger picture and offer him corrections with an explanation? How are we to figure this out?  
    How much time should we spend talking to our players about their families, friends or girlfriends that were so important while we were recruiting them? A little pat on the back can do a great deal to a homesick kid thousands of miles away. As a staff, we must make sure our kids know that they are loved, whether it’s through action or words. Do our players receive birthday cakes or cookies on their day? Many of us will have occasional meals with our units over our houses to share special moments or holidays that they can’t share with their mom and dad.
    There are times after our offensive unit meetings where a coach will express verbally that he loves the kids as they leave the room. Many times that could be the balance a player needed, as some kids may have just received a coach’s wrath because of a loaf, dropped ball or missed assignment.
    Recently I began taking the first 10 minutes of our Thursday position meetings to address the game of life and issues that we learned during the week. This is the opportunity to be human with your guys, but is this time  taking away from the film study necessary to win the game coming up in 48 hours?
    NBA World Champion Golden State Warriors Head Coach Steve Kerr said the majority of his team’s success comes from 90% creating an environment and 10% strategy. Will this work for everyone? Maybe not, but creating a culture for caring enhances the relationship necessary in today’s coaching field between player-player and player-coach.
    We may never know what sitting in the locker room for five minutes with our players after practice will ever do, but those moments could give the kid the family feeling they he may never had. Does an open door policy really exist? Many times a knock on our meeting room door is from a player who has an issue and the only man he trusts in his life is sitting at the table among us. Coach, you can’t get that moment back. Always make yourself accessible. Don’t live in the “what if” zone.
    Throughout my office, meeting room and in my player manuals, I share what’s important to me, as well as what is important to the development of my players. They know the expectations, as they also help set them. These practices are my choices. It’s been said that after the first 30 minutes of a meeting, the attention span decreases more than 50%. How will I keep the attention? What can I do to enhance the learning experience?
    What I have found is throughout my career as a player, these moments had great impact on my life. I choose to share a personal letter to my unit that goes along with their tip sheets the night before games. This gesture allows them to see that I care about them and want to enjoy their journey along with them. Some read it, some keep it, but I’ve found they ALL look forward to it.

So what are the qualities of a coach?
    Compassionate
    Optimistic
    Attentive
    Confident
    Humanistic

Compassionate

    As passionate as I am about no false steps in their starts, today it is equally important that my players know I have compassion for the every day challenges they are experiencing. Spending just five minutes with them weekly can give me valuable insight. I may ask, how are your classes? How’s everything at home or how is your family doing? I nurture the relationships I started during the recruitment phase and allow it to grow and evolve into something meaningful and lasting. I remember that most of these young men’s dreams will end while they are under my watch. I am that advisor for the ‘life after football’ speech that they all hate hearing. 

Optimistic

    I always share my personal goals with my players. Doing this allows my players to become comfortable in doing the same. This allows players to understand that their individual goals will not disrupt the success of the unit or the team - it will only enhance it. This also brings a sense of accountability with their peers. They will be held to the standards they set themselves. It shows them if they have All-American goals, their work effort must match.

Attentive

    Am I paying attention to what makes a player tick? Can I tell when a player may be having hard time? It’s important that I understand what buttons to push. Some need a pat on the back, sense of encouragement or it may take a Rocky Balboa moment where I sit the situation on the table and allow them to understand how to work it all out for themselves. This is what makes football the greatest sport because of the life lessons that come along with the game experiences. To be able to pull something out of your player is a very satisfying feeling.

Confidence

    How much trust do my players have in me? Are my players confident in what and how I am teaching them? Do my players believe in what I’m selling? Do I have enough confidence in my own skill set that I am prepared to lead my players at the highest level in football and in life? The greatest feeling is being able to share a moment when a player sends a screen shot of his 3.0 GPA from his first semester with a note saying “Thanks for believing in me Coach B, when no one else did.” Just as important is when he sees the corner blitz coming from a cheat we picked up in film study.

Humanistic

    I believe transparency works not only for me, but it also can for others. The line of respect is as strong as I make it, but the ability to communicate will allow me to take them places they couldn’t do on their own. This past spring I had to show Mikey Dudek, our freshman All-American, the same compassion for him personally when he was told that he tore his ACL and may miss the season. I showed him before his first game of his college career that he would be successful and he was prepared. Our relationship allowed this moment to be real to him and allowed him to trust my words. This has allowed him to see me as a mentor, friend and a coach he can trust.
So do we invite this into our plan? Do we need a culture for caring? I have included the first two pages of my wide receiver manual. This allows my players to know where our relationship starts and where it finishes.
               
    One of my mottos is that it’s not the fear of failure that most of us in this game have, but it’s the fear of success. Whether you are the player or the coach, many claim that they welcome success, but most see that through our careers, the bar has changed when it comes to measuring levels of success. As the standards change, and the bar continues to rise, the techniques of the individuals who are setting them must be elevated. p


About the Author: Mike Bellamy is now into his fourth season at the University of illinois and third as a position coach. He was promoted to wide receivers coach in February, 2013 after serving for a year as Assistant Director of Player Personnel and Relations. As a player at Illinois (1988 and 1989) Bellamy earned second team All-American honors and was a second round draft choice of the Philadelphia Eagles. He earned his Bachelor’s Degree from Illinois in 1990.
 






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