Coach to Coach – Coaching to Make a Difference

The longer I coach and the more time I spend witnessing kids transform into young men, the more I realize that in this profession we have the opportunity and the responsibility to be more than just a coach. Coaching allows all of us the unique opportunity to leave a lasting imprint on the lives of our players. Our profession is one of only a few that will mold and shape future business leaders, politicians, husbands, fathers, clergy, infantry and military leaders. One of my favorite maxims comes from the book of Luke. It states “To whom much is given, much is required”. The privilege of coaching comes with enormous responsibility. That may sound pretty “lofty”, but it is true. After a tough loss or a meeting with a “concerned” parent it may not feel like it, but we are fortunate to be entrusted with the formative years of our players. We are important and we need to embrace our roll as the molders and shapers of young men. 

    I sat in my office this week and listened to one of my players confess, with tears flowing down his face, that he had made some poor decisions in his life and what had once been fun was now out of control and potentially very destructive. He had scheduled the meeting to come clean and to seek some direction and encouragement. He knows that I can be tough and demanding, but a trust has been developed and he knows that I care about him and will help him get through this difficult phase of his life. Unfortunately, this is one example of several similar situations that I have dealt with in the past few months. It seems that with the economy stuck in neutral and financial pressures escalating in many of my players’ families, life issues and personal turmoil is at an all-time high.  
    After the meeting, I sat in my office and ventured back 25 years and thought about my high school experience. Sure, times were tough. We had the cold war, a bumbling economy and all of the normal “growing pains” associated with high school. But it sure seems like the kids in today’s world are subject to more “stuff” than I was. I pondered the question – Would I have gone to my high school coach and confided in him and sought help and direction? I’m not sure that I would have. We didn’t have that kind of relationship. It’s not that he was a bad guy. He wasn’t. He just didn’t take the time to build personal relationships with his players. He was simply a football coach. I hope that I’m more than that to my players. I hope that each of us has come to the realization that wins and losses are important but they are rarely mentioned at memorials or etched on gravestones. Competition and the desire to be part of something larger than ourselves is our common bond, but we must recognize that we have so much more to offer.  
    According to Maxpreps.com, there are approximately 14,445 high school varsity football teams in the US. If each school has an average of forty players then there are around 577, 800 varsity football players playing this great game every year. If you consider junior varsity and frosh numbers you would be well over one million young men being influenced by football coaches each season. Do you realize how significant this is? As coaches, our guidance will have a profound and lasting impact on each of them. I found it interesting that although less than 20% of high school students compete on high school athletic teams, more than 50% of all millionaires played competitive high school sports and over 65% of them have their children playing and competing in high school athletics. 
    Dwight Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan all played high school and/or college football. I would be willing to wager that many of the lessons that molded and shaped these great men were learned on the playing field and were taught by guys like you and me who devoted their lives to mentoring and molding our youth. High school football and sports in general has played an important role in shaping our country into the greatest nation in the world.  
    My desire is that all of us will be excited about the potential to make a real difference in the lives of our players. I would love to share many of the practices that we have embraced at Foothill over the years. However, space will only allow for two. I hope these provoke some thought and ideas that will lead to actions that will play a part in your team’s success in the 2011 season and in years to come as well.   
 
1. Success is a personal choice.  

    Taking personal responsibility for failure or miscues is rare. Many people are quick to blame anyone but themselves when life does not follow their desired course. In our line of work, this can often be the parents of our players. These are the ones who blame the teachers, the school, the boss, the “other” kids and certainly the coach for their children’s failures. With these types of influences, it’s no wonder that our players are so quick to point fingers when things go south. I have also encountered coaches who subscribe to this mentality. Those who continually blame the officials, the lack of support, the lack of talent, the player’s parents, their fellow coaches, blame other programs and even their own players for their lack of success. In light of this persuasive mentality, I believe we have both the responsibility and the platform to teach and model character that embraces personal responsibility.  
    At Foothill, we have a “no excuses” policy. That goes for coaches as well. The idea is simple, but is often difficult to embrace. When coaching my team or counseling my players, I remind them that everyone has baggage and issues that effect their life. Football, like life, will be difficult and unfair at times. Do we allow them to be the catalyst for success? I remind them that they have been granted the ability to choose whether or not they will be successful. I reinforce the idea that there is no excuse for failure. Why? Because failure is not defined by losing a game or by not earning a certain salary or by your record at the end of a season as many would describe. Failure is embracing the idea that you are not responsible for your attitude, your effort, your expectations and ultimately your success. Failure is the religion of self pity often validated by those who blame their surroundings instead of fortifying their indomitable will.  
    This season let’s remind our players and coaches that success is a personal choice and let’s model great character in the face of the certain adversity that every season presents to those who dare to compete.  

2. Tina Turner’s popular song asks the question “What’s love got to do with it” and based on my unscientific experiment, I would have to say it has a lot to do with it.  

    I had lunch a few days ago with a friend whose son is an athlete but is not a member of our football team. He told me that he often inquires of our football players as to what their perception of me and our football staff is. He expressed that with regularity many of them mention that they felt our staff cared about each of them and that their favorite day was Loving Wednesday. That’s the day that each coach forsakes the common handshake and replaces it with a genuine embrace. As every player exits the practice field each Wednesday, they are also verbally told that they are valued and loved. That may be very foreign to you and may seem a bit uncomfortable (it was for our staff the first day we tried it) but to our “tuff” teenage players and “old school” coaches, it has become the best day of the week. 
     The reality is that my staff and I have told these players that we love them more times than some of their own fathers. As a staff we made a decision that our initial discomfort was not as important as the need for expression to go beyond assumption. The surprising part was how emphatically our players embraced the idea and how it has now become a valued tradition in our program. I don’t know what part it has played, but our record before we started Loving Wednesday was 11-25 (0 championships) and since we initiated it we are 46-13 (3 League and 1 NSCIF Championship). This season I would encourage you to take the time to let your players know how much you value them as people. Don’t let your inhibitions keep you from developing a special bond with your team.  
    Finally, I know that many of you have and continue to make a positive and lasting impact on your team, your campus and in your communities. I also know that in this business complaints seem to be much louder than gratitude. Therefore, from one coach to another, I want to thank you for your dedication and for your often times thankless commitment to making the game of football and the positive role that it can play in the lives of young men something we can all be proud of.