Coach to Coach – My 2011 Coaches Christmas List

The Christmas season is here. Hopefully, this time of year finds you in a festive state. Regardless of how the season went or is finishing up, we all can be thankful for the opportunity and privilege of being a football coach. As I welcome the Christmas Season, I am excited about the ability to give. However, there is still that kid in me that likes to receive as well. So I began to think of things I would include on my Coaching Christmas List. What if we, as coaches, could ask for anything in regards to our profession? What would I ask for? What would you ask for? The easy answers, I suppose, would be for a roster full of five star players or maybe incredible facilities. That’s too easy. The list that I scribed is a bit more obscure and more personal.

1. I wish blogs and message boards would go away.

Like most of you, I am old enough to remember life without the Internet. The majority of news came from an evening network anchor or the local newspaper. If you wanted gossip, you had to go to the local pub, corner store, barber shop or church picnic. There was plenty of it to be found, but it was looked upon as a bit sleazy and the “source” could be easily traced if one wanted to confront the accusations. But times are different and real news and community gossip have blended. The line between reality and sensationalism has blurred. Today, blogs, forums and message boards are everywhere. They have replaced the face-to-face gossip centers. Social media websites are places where people can write whatever they feel, perpetrate falsehoods, spread untruths under the unaccountable anonymity of an Internet screen name. The world of sports seems to attract critical message board posters by the droves. No one is immune and the most vocal criticism often comes from the team’s own fan base. Posts that continually criticize the coaches and players are usually from those who have never had the guts to strap on a helmet and lay it all on the line themselves. If my Christmas list was granted, the critics wouldn’t go away, but at least they would be accountable for their words and everyone would know their real name. 
    
2. I wish parents and fans viewed Monday through Thursday just as importantly as Friday.

Every year, I meet with the parents and guardians of our football players during the first week of camp. I cover the usual items like team rules, season expectations and ways for the parents to get involved with our booster club. I also make it a point to share my thoughts on what a successful program truly is. The truth of the matter is that most parents (and I am one of them) have a narrow view of “success” when it comes to our children’s sports and activities. If our sons don’t play enough, don’t get the ball enough, don’t get recognized by the press or if the team loses a few games, the entire program is viewed as unsuccessful. As a coach, I certainly understand the need to win games. It’s part of the job description to be held accountable and to accept the scrutiny that comes with a loss or a losing season. However, I also believe that the true success of a program cannot solely be judged by what happens on Friday nights or Saturdays. In no way would I minimize the reality that winning games matters. However, after twenty years of coaching I am a firm believer that what happens Monday through Thursday will have a greater impact on the lives of our players. It is during this unviewed and under-reported time that our players are learning important life lessons. Lessons such as promptness, accountability, reliability and gaining the trust of others through hard work are incredibly important. Learning that their actions have a ripple effect on those around them and that the choices they make do not affect just them, that each of their decisions and actions limit or enhance the success of those around them. They learn that success requires hard work and often a selfless attitude. Where else are the majority of our young men going to learn these lessons?

For many of them, these things are no longer taught at home. Most of them don’t have jobs and they certainly are not teaching these real life lessons in the classroom. These lessons are not being taught in front of screaming crowds; no cheerleaders, no bands. They’re being taught during the grueling days of fall camp, while running the bleachers during the heat of the summer, while icing down pulled muscles and injured joints just to get back onto the field. They are being taught every Monday through Thursday on campuses in every town and in every state. If my Christmas list was granted, parents and fans would value our programs based not only on our won-loss record, but on the teaching and implementation of these non-headline grabbing life lessons as well. 

3. I wish handshakes and phone calls would replace texts and emails.

There is no doubt that, for most of us, the majority of our communication is via email and text. Many people rarely answer a phone call anymore. If you want to reach someone, you usually have to text or email. Maybe I am old school, but I value the face-to face meetings and the sound of a person’s voice. Our modern world has produced more contacts and less intimacy. When I first started coaching, I would meet face-to-face with parents who had questions or concerns. What would often start as a minor confrontation would end up being a great opportunity for us to get to know each other and gain a mutual respect. Today, more and more complaints or concerns are hammered on keyboards and delivered over the Internet. This form of communication often leads to what I call “Digital Courage”. Digital Courage is when things are typed that would never be said in a face-to-face meeting. What is often intended when you or they send an email is not how it is interpreted by the receiver. If my Christmas list was granted, face-to-face meetings, handshakes and simple phone calls would be the norm and the email and text would be the exception. 
    
4. I wish I never had to say goodbye to my teams.

At Foothill High School, we have several mottos. These are the sayings or quotes that our captains use when they break the team at the end of a session or practice. Our team’s favorite and most often used motto is “family”. In my thirty-two years of being involved in this great game, I have come to the realization that the best football teams are “families”. As a high school football coach, I watch our players enter high school and I watch them put in countless hours preparing themselves to be successful. I get to see these young men laugh, sweat, cry and form a special bond with their teammates and coaches. During the time that they are on campus, we develop a close relationship and I come to count them as “family”. At the end of their four years, however, there comes a day when they take the pads off for the last time and they are ready to move on. If my Christmas list was granted, our football family would only grow, because saying goodbye to family is always a difficult part of the job.

For most of you, your season has just ended. I hope you had a successful and rewarding year. I encourage you to take the holiday time to get some well- deserved rest and to share some valuable time with your family. Most of the coaches that I know are excellent fathers, dedicated members of the community and selfless givers of their personal time. I am proud of the fraternity that I am in and I wish all of you a great and blessed Christmas Season.