Balance: Walking the Fine Line Between Career & Family ...

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I think the mentality of some football coaches today is this: To be successful, you have to eat, sleep, and coach football 24-7. Both players and coaches alike spend a major portion of their lives training, preparing for, playing in, and reviewing football games during the football season. Success in football for some coaches is a priority, which can lead to an unbalanced life. One purpose of mine is to help athletes and coaches gain perspective about playing and coaching sports and develop balance in their life.

Both athletes and coaches begin with a great goal: To win football games or win championships. This underlying drive and desire is necessary to become a great team. Several hours a day are spent on and off the field in the pursuit of perfection, which can consume both athletes and coaches. Sacrifices are made in other areas of one’s life. But is there a downside risk to this level of commitment to football?

One danger I see is that coaches attach self-worth as a person to success in football. Coaches who “put all their eggs in one basket,” begin to define themselves through their sport and forget about the person inside the coach – the same phenomenon happens with athletes. They begin to think that they are personally only as good as their win-loss record. Thus more time, energy, and devotion is spent coaching football, which in some cases can lead to burnout or staleness.

How can coaches find balance in life on and off the football field? Also, how can coaches detach self-worth from success in sports?

Self-concept is defined as a perception of how you see yourself, whereas self-esteem is the evaluation of how you feel about that self-concept. If you like your self-concept (who you think you are), then it is said that you have self-esteem. Athletes and coaches who judge themselves based on success or achievements are prone to be upset and happy depending on game outcomes. Self-esteem should be based on how you view yourself as a person instead of how well you can coach or how many games you win or lose.

The first place to start is to describe your person outside of the football arena. How would you describe your person to someone outside of football? How would others describe you personally? This is what self-esteem should be based on. If you struggle with balance in your life, here are a few ideas to consider:

Become a Magician at Changing Roles. When you are playing the coach, involve yourself in that role fully – commit to 8-10 hours of coaching/teaching a day, but when you leave the field or office, switch roles and fully commit to other areas of your life. Don’t superimpose the role of coach into other areas of your life. Remember that you are a person first and foremost who happens to coach football, not vise versa.

Define Your Self-Concept Outside of Football. To help you become a magician at changing roles, you must first define who you are outside football or your career. Use only descriptions that apply to your personal characteristics that you bring to every aspect of your life. Make a list of these positive characteristics and review them every day. If there is something you don’t like about your person, work to change that aspect of you.

Don’t Take it Home with You. Leave football on the field. I know this one will be hard to do. At the very least, designate one or two hours for family or recreation time. Everyone needs a break. You will feel fresher when it is time to return to coaching and thus be sharper. Your wife and your family will appreciate you if you don’t bring home the emotional coach inside; they want the husband or father instead.

Strive for Balance in Your Life. Success is what you define it to be. When I see athletes that have 24-7 involvement in their sport, I suggest that they find other hobbies, tasks, or goals to occupy their time when not performing or practicing. Make a list of five other recreational activities you enjoy doing on free time. Make it a priority to involve yourself in these pursuits when not coaching.

Let Go of Judgments from Others. Your immediate family and true friends love you for who you are as a person first. They don’t make judgments based on your win-lose record or change their view of you if you win or lose a game. Your true friends enjoy your company for what you bring to a relationship as a person, not as a successful coach.

Be Your Own Best Coach. You are your own worst critic and your best friend wrapped into one. People are often harder on themselves than they are on their best friends. After a tough loss, what would you say to a best friend and coach that is feeling down? Always give yourself words of encouragement and reward yourself for what you do well.

– Dr. Patrick Cohn

Dr. Patrick Cohn is a mental game coach, author, and professional speaker. If you would like more information on Dr. Cohn’s mental game coaching programs, visit his Web site: www.PeakSports.com.

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